Screen Time Battles? Discover 3 Simple Ways to Manage Screen Use in Your Family!
Do you find it difficult to manage your child’s screen time?
Do you suspect that your child may be addicted to their smartphone, gaming, YouTube, or social media?
You may have tried various methods to limit or control your child’s screen time, but it often leads to arguments and fights.
Sometimes, you even have to physically take away their tech devices, which can result in aggressive behavior from your child.
You may be wondering if it’s possible to help your child overcome their addiction and regain a healthy relationship with technology, but nothing seems to work.
While you may be able to monitor your child’s screen time when you’re at home, you know that it’s not a long-term solution.
Policing their screen time can be exhausting and time-consuming, and it’s not a sustainable approach.
You have other responsibilities to take care of, including work, career, and home matters. Moreover, it’s challenging to control your child’s screen time as they get older.
If you’re reading this and your child doesn’t have any significant issues with screen time, you may still be worried about screen addiction. You’ve seen many children become addicted to screens, and you want to prevent it from happening to your child. This article is for you too.
Many people today feel nostalgic about the pre-smartphone era when the Internet was simpler and less addictive than it is today.
However, as technology has become an essential part of education, it is impossible to remove technological devices from our children’s lives.
This has led to challenges for parents, who are struggling to find ways to help their children use these devices without getting distracted or addicted to them.
Additionally, parents need to ensure that screens do not damage their relationship with their children.
Have you ever found yourself fighting with your child over their screen time?
How many times have you seen your child go to their room and spend hours on their smartphone or tablet without any idea of what they are doing?
It can be hard to know what children are watching online, who they are interacting with, and what content they are consuming.
Common Sense Media reports that children aged 8 to 12 years old spend an average of five and a half hours on screen media, while 13 to 18-year-olds spend about eight and a half hours on it.
These hours do not include schoolwork or homework.
As parents, it is essential to know what our children are doing online and to guide them to stay safe in the digital world.
Three Approaches Parents Use
Parents typically use only the first two ways to deal with their child’s screen time.
The first is screen-free parenting, which is a method in which parents reduce or eliminate screens in the family.
The idea behind this approach is to disconnect children from technology and encourage them to engage in other activities, both indoors and outdoors.
This method can be successful, especially for younger children, as it provides an opportunity for families to bond and spend quality time together.
However, with the need for digital learning, this solution may not be practical for many families.
Furthermore, this approach does not prepare children to use technology responsibly and to self-regulate their screen time.
When children become teenagers and have access to smartphones, they can become obsessed with them, making it difficult to establish healthy screen habits.
The second is limiting or controlling screen time, which works well when children are young but can lead to secrecy and a lack of trust as they grow older.
In this method, parents set limits on the amount of screen time their children have, often using digital tools such as parental control apps.
This approach works well for younger children but can be challenging when children become teenagers and want more freedom.
It can also lead to secrecy and a lack of trust between parents and children.
Teenagers are seeking to find out about the world and discover their own identity, and controlling their screen time can hinder this process.
Parents who use this approach need to be mindful of their children’s needs and work with them to establish healthy screen habits.
Meet Sarah
Before we delve into the last approach, allow me to introduce Sarah. She’s a mother to two wonderful daughters, aged 8 and 5.
Before working with us, Sarah’s daughter sneaks at midnight to play computer games.
Sarah became desperate when she found her daughter was searching for super inappropriate things online.
Her children spend 12 hours gaming, surfing the Internet, and watching YouTube.
In the past, Sarah has to scream, yell, and take away the gadgets. Her children will scream, yell, and try to fight back.
Her daughters prefer to spend more time with their devices and the longer they spend on it, the more they want it.
Sarah thought that the screen time issue would go away as her children grew.
But when she caught her daughter sneaking to play her games at midnight and that she was searching for super inappropriate things online, she knew she needed to do something.
In the past, Sarah was trying to limit and control her daughter’s screen time. Whenever she asked her daughter to stop her screen time, it always ended up in fights, screaming, and yelling.
In our program, we guide Sarah to respond to her daughter’s screen time behavior and not to react to it. It worked and Sarah was able to guide her daughter to stop her screen time.
Sarah also guided her daughter to set healthy boundaries with the screen. Then, from there, Sarah and her daughter have an agreement on the screen time and how it would be used. After some time, her daughter was able to self-regulate her screen time use.
In the past, because Sarah was trying to control and limit her daughter’s screen time, her daughter became secretive.
One of her daughter’s friends taught her to surf for super inappropriate stuff and being a curious person, Sarah’s daughter decided to surf the stuff without Sarah’s knowledge.
In our program, we guide Sarah to build a better and healthier relationship with her daughter and create a safe space for communication and trust.
Sarah’s daughter later shared with Sarah that she surfed the super inappropriate stuff and both of them discussed the Internet content and its effect on the children.
After working with us, her children’s screen use was reduced to 2 hours (weekdays) & max of 5 hours (Saturdays). Sunday is a Screen-Free Day.
Her daughters KNOW how to manage their time.
She completed all her basic responsibilities FIRST before her computer games.
Now Sarah and her daughter do not argue about screen use anymore. Sarah even builds deeper connections with her children.
Sarah’s daughter HAPPILY passed her devices to Sarah and wanted to spend more time with her family.
In her words, “Jessie has rocked our world in one of the best ways in regards to screen time use.
One of the best things I found working with Jessie is that I have a better connection with my daughter than before.
I hope to keep her as long as my children use the gadgets”.
This case study shows when you switch from controlling and limiting screen time to nurturing good screen habits, positive transformation happens and your child knows to use the screen/Internet responsibly and stay safe online. You build a better relationship with them and they can come to you to talk about anything without fear of being judged.
The Holistic Approach
The third solution is to nurture good screen habits, which empower children to use technology responsibly and to self-regulate their screen time.
This approach also creates a safe space for communication and trust between parents and children.
The Internet is not a safe place for children, and it is our responsibility as parents to guide them to stay safe online.
Children need to know how to protect themselves from cybercriminals, and we need to teach them how to use the Internet responsibly.
By nurturing good screen habits, we can empower our children to use technology responsibly and stay safe online.
In conclusion, finding the right balance for our children’s screen time is essential.
We need to ensure that screens do not damage our relationship with our children while also keeping them safe online.
Nurturing good screen habits is the best solution for parents dealing with their child’s screen time.
Let’s do an exercise together.
Think about your favorite thing — the one thing that you must have every day.
For me, it is coffee.
Now, imagine that you have a controlling partner who wants to limit your coffee consumption to half a cup a day.
How would you feel?
Personally, I would feel pressured and dissatisfied. It seems like my partner is trying to control me and doesn’t trust me.
How would you react?
If you are a submissive spouse, you might try to follow his/her rules, but feel anxious or dissatisfied.
If you are more assertive, you might push back.
If you are not bothered, you might just ignore their demands.
It’s like dealing with a child, right?
You might think that limiting or controlling screen time is the best way to tackle our children’s screen time issues especially if you perceive that the Internet/screen is bad and addictive.
However, there is a third option: nurturing good screen habits.
Guide your children to self-regulate their screen and internet use.
This approach can help your children develop healthy habits and learn to use the Internet responsibly.
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Jessie Liew is the founder of Digital Parenting Coaching and a mother of 4. Her previous career included working as a cybersecurity specialist, where she protected clients from the harmful effects caused by online hackers and predators. In her spare time, Jessie enjoys reading, playing games, and adventures.
If you would like to learn more about Jessie and her work, please visit her website at https://www.neverfightwithyourkids.com/.
You can also find her on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn as Jessie Liew SP.
P.S. Let’s stay connected!
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