Worry that your child might be addicted to screens. Here’s what to do before handing them a smartphone or tablet
Your child’s birthday is coming and he is going to be 13 this year.
He has been telling you that all his friends own a smartphone and he wanted one for himself.
He expressed he wished for a smartphone for his birthday.
You thought, “Why not, since it is his birthday and all his friends have a smartphone”.
The days are nearer and nearer.
You thought about what you should do before you passed the smartphone to him.
You have been hearing horrible stories about children being addicted to smartphones, staying up late at night playing games, ignoring their sleep, eating, and resting.
You have been seeing those publications about the decline of mental health among children and it seems that the smartphone is the culprit.
Further, the Internet may not be a safe place for children, cyber-bullying, online grooming, inappropriate content exposure, and others.
The annual University of Michigan Health C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on Children’s Health finds that screen time, social media use, and Internet safety top the list of parental concerns about their children’s health.
You wanted to delay and delay and your child is reaching high school.
95% of teenagers nowadays have access to a smartphone.
Now, after considering the bad side of the smartphone, what are the positive sides of the smartphone?
There is much research being conducted on child use of technology, and the results are fairly mixed, some experts say that young children should not be exposed to screens at all, whilst others say in the correct environment, and intermixed with a range of other activities such as reading and exercise, it can be beneficial.
Physical activity, reading, and human interaction will always play a very important part in child development, and personal computing should not replace or be detrimental to these experiences, but in the right environment it can bring new educational experiences to young children, and help them develop their skills and broaden their horizons:
Benefits of Internet/technologies to our children
The children can use the Internet to
1) Staying in touch with far-away grandparents, cousins, or separated parents and friends
Checking in regularly with videos and photos with each other is a great way to stay connected when you can’t be together in person. I remember back a few years ago when I was away from home for 3 weeks, I was able to stay in touch with my children through Apple FaceTime.
2) Being creative
Young people who are interested in music, art, and cooking can find a lot of resources and practice on their own.
My son, Wei likes to draw, do artwork, and animation work. He will search on YouTube kids on some ideas for drawing, artwork, and animation.
3) To get entertained.
All people of all ages like the internet for their own reasons. The online world can be a great source of engaging, creative entertainment for our children.
4) Learning with High-Quality Content
It is important to make sure your children are engaging with high-quality content during their screen time, studies have concluded that excessive unsupervised viewing of low-quality content shows a negative impact on play, hobbies, sleep, hygiene, and eating habits.
5) Finding Help and Access to a Vast Wealth of Information
If children are stuck on some particular problem or homework, they can search online and find solutions. They can also reach out to teachers and friends online for help.
6) Unlike some traditional education, the Internet is widely available and affordable in most communities.
There are so many benefits of the Internet.
Instead of thinking about how I can limit my child’s screen time, I propose to parents that they should ask “How can I empower my children to use the screen/Internet responsibly and positively while staying safe online?”.
After working with parents with kids with screen addiction, I find that the best time to work on this is before you pass a smartphone/tablet to your child.
Meet Nicole
Before we delve into the steps, allow me to introduce Nicole. She’s a mother to a 4-year-old wonderful daughter.
Nicole is a busy working mum. She is also a business owner. Her daughter spends around 8 hours a day on the iPad and smartphone.
After going through the course “Reduce Screen Time”, Nicole managed to help her daughter to regulate her screen time.
It was reduced from 8 hours a day to 2 hours a day.
Whenever Nicole asks her daughter to stop her screen time or wants to take away the devices, her daughter will fight, throw tantrums, or even have meltdowns.
After working with us, Nicole now can take away the devices from her daughter without the fights, tantrums, and meltdowns.
Her daughter is calm and knows it is time to pass the iPad or smartphone. She also understands why there is no screen time allowed at a particular time.
Due to Nicole’s busy schedule, she finds it overwhelming and has not been setting clear boundaries for on-screen use.
She has not been consistently guiding her daughter on healthy screen use.
After working with us, instead of reacting, Nicole responded better to help her daughter regulate screen time.
As a result, her daughter now understands the boundaries and has “agreement” on their screen use.
Setting boundaries, modeling healthy screen habits, and setting an agreement on-screen use are important so that both parent and child are on the same page.
Steps before you pass smartphone to your child
Here are the steps I recommend parents to do before they pass their smartphone.
1) Learn how to set healthy boundaries with the smartphones.
Setting boundaries is important in all aspects of life, such as wealth, health, and relationships.
For example, just as we need to set boundaries with our food to maintain good health, we need to set boundaries with screens as well.
According to a recent report by Statista, approximately 3.8 billion people in the world are addicted to their phones. This accounts for over 48% of the world’s population.
Many adults are equally addicted to the screens.
As parents, we know that our example matters. Therefore, we are the first person that our children learn from about healthy screen habits.
2) Model healthy screen habits.
After the parents set the boundaries with the screen, they need to apply them to themselves first.
This will enable them to self-regulate and show healthier screen habits to model to their children.
3) Have conversations with your child about smartphone use.
Parents should have an open conversation with their children about smartphone use in the family.
This will help children understand the importance of setting boundaries with smartphones and help them follow the agreement.
4) Guide children to set boundaries with the smartphone.
Parents should help their children set their boundaries with the smartphone, and come to an agreement on smartphone use.
Apart from just focusing on time, parents should also discuss the content children consume and Internet safety.
5) Install parental control software to ensure that your child’s smartphone is safe for their use.
Parental controls in accounts usually allow you to block access to adult websites, limit the use of smartphones to particular times, manage who your child can phone and message and who can contact them, and limit how much money they can spend online.
6) Be patient and respond calmly.
Although no matter how well you have set the boundaries and agreement on the family screen use, sometimes kids are unable to follow through.
It is normal.
Parents should avoid reacting and instead respond calmly to their children’s misbehavior and guide them back to the family and the agreement on smartphone use.
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Jessie Liew is the founder of Digital Parenting Coaching and a mother of 4. Her previous career included working as a cybersecurity specialist, where she protected clients from the harmful effects caused by online hackers and predators. In her spare time, Jessie enjoys reading, playing games, and adventures.
If you would like to learn more about Jessie and her work, please visit her website at https://www.neverfightwithyourkids.com/.
You can also find her on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn as Jessie Liew SP.
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